There is great excitement at the
apparent successes of what I suppose we must call “Team GB”, but we fear this
is misplaced. Team GB are said to be in third place in the medal table, but as
far as we can tell the current standings, with two days to go, really look like
this:
1. USA (so-called): two gold (pygme and decathalon) , one silver
(decathalon).
2. Jamaica: one each of gold,
silver and bronze (all in the stadion)
3. (=) Grenada (gold in the diaulos) and Russia (provisionally gold
in the pale)
5. (=) the Dominican Republic,
Japan, and Team GB (silver respectively in the diaulos, pale and pygme)
8. (=) Trinidad, Cuba, Ireland and
Iran (bronzes in the diaulos, decathalon,
pygme and pale)
How, then, are we to claim any British
success in the traditional Olympics?
There are, of course, events still
to occur in the boxing and wrestling (the overall results of which have been
used to calculate the table above) which may hold some British hopes. The dolichos will be not be run until
Saturday, but there is no British competitor in the final.
If we were imperialists we would
be able comfort to ourselves that the British Empire (including secessionists) leads
in medals by two to one, and in gold medals by four to one. At Plumstead
Rectory, however, we always thought the Empire a rather modern invention. We
will accept Irish medals as our own, of course.
Olympic athletes must, of course,
traditionally be Greek speakers. We could certainly disqualify any of the medal
winners who don’t know ελεησον με ο θεος κατα το μεγα ελεος σου. Is this behind
Boris’ enthusiasm for classics in British schools, so that a greater proportion
of our young people may be eligible to compete? But although we have not
checked, we fear that there is more chance of the Jamaican medallists qualifying
on this score than of the Britons, however public-school educated they may be.
So although it is too late for
London 2012 our best hope must be in the traditional Olympic events not held in
the present games. The pankratikon was specifically excluded from the modern
games (on the orders of a bishop, for shame) but we think that Great Britain
would have good medal hopes. This vicious boxing-wrestling cross is widely
practised on our streets during the evening hours, and we think a women’s team
would be particularly well placed. Meanwhile a modern hoplitodromos would be a natural chance for the British Army,
although veterans of Afghanistan may need some adjustment to the concept of “full
equipment.”
Great Britain’s best hopes traditionally come in
the sitting-down events. It is to our great disadvantage that the
chariot races are no longer held. Our technological edge in cycling could be
put to more traditional use in this event, and our equestrians should form the
basis of a strong team.
We are glad to see Mrs Tindall keeping up the tradition
of royal competitors, and she should certainly be in the chariot-racing squad.
But it is her grandfather who remains our brightest hope: a champion
carriage-driver himself, he could make the switch to racing quite easily, we do
not doubt, and would set the right Olympian tone for the restored Games. He is a native Greek, too. Go Team HRH.
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