One
of today’s tasks is to do some planning for the parish pilgrimage to the Shrine
of Our Lady of Walsingham. It is sometimes called England’s Nazareth, where Mary’s “Yes” to God is commemorated, and where
at the heart of the shrine is the miracuculously revealed Holy House. Walsingham
is one of the “thin” places, and is very special for many. But it is located in
a rather obscure corner of Norfolk, and expecially a very long way from
Liverpool.
An
opportunity is being missed to open the riches of England’s Nazareth to a wider
audience, to remove the barriers of distance and travelling time and to broaden
Walsingham’s appeal. We propose that the Guardians should develop a franchise
arrangement along the following lines, giving the Walsingham brand a
penetration throughout the country, and addressing the differing needs of
modern pilgrims:
The
new luxury accommodation at Walsingham has been a disappointment to some who nostalgically
remember the early days of inadequate sleeping arrangements, and to pilgrims on
a budget. They, and the ascetically-minded, will be catered for at England’s Bethlehem, where accommodation
will consist of straw bedding in open-plan dormitories. A petting zoo will be available for girl
children throughout their stay; however, during the pilgrimage season boys
under two will be removed from the shrine on the first night of their visit. This
will ensure a continued income for the Guild of All Souls.
For
the more socially minded pilgrim, England’s
Cana will dispense with too many services and concentrate on the going-to-the-pub
part of the programme. Hymns in the Pilgrim Handbook will include Do whatever
he tells you (to the tune of As I kneel
before you) and Woman, what is that
to me? (the Lord said) (to Moses, I
know you’re the man). Appropriate sponsorship is being sought, and
therefore drinking water will not be available on site. It is not thought that
appointing a priest administrator will be difficult.
Many
visitors to Walsingham find the highlight of their stay is the service of Sprinkling
at the Well. For these pilgrims England’s
Siloam will be the perfect destination. The Wednesday evening procession will
take the form of a race to the shore where pilgrims will receive holy water in
three ways: poured into their shoes, splashed into their faces, and forced into
their lungs by the trampling feet of those behind them. At the annual National
Pilgrimage one lucky party will be chosen for a special role in the destruction
of a tower previously erected without a faculty.
Details
of England’s Golgotha are still
confidential for legal reasons. However, it can be revealed that a central London
site is being sought, located in Westminster between the Supreme Court and the
offices of the Church Commissioners.
Finally,
evangelism has always been at the heart of Walsingham’s mission, and this ministry
will be extended with the opening of England’s
Damascus, specially designed for fringe members of churches, and those new
to the faith. As they walk the last mile to the shrine barefoot, they will be
met by shrine staff with high-density searchlights. After forced baptism while
still disorientated, advanced interrogation techniques will continue to
persuade the reluctant to give a Year for God. Plans to offer training for Anglo-Catholic
priesthood under the title the Straight Way
are being challenged under the Trades Descriptions Act. We can, however, confirm
that over the gate of the shrine will be the text It is hard to kick against the pricks, and this motto will doubtless
prove a good introduction to ministry in the Church of England as a whole.
Simon, when are you going to assembled your wonderful blogs into a book?
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